Pops Saw a Movie: DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE

 Maybe I shouldn’t write a review of DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE, as I am absolutely not the target audience. I don’t like anti-heroes (being good guys who use the tactics and tools of bad guys). Even a comic book geek like myself is suffering superhero fatigue (and I’m beyond tired of the kind of wink-wink, piss-taking superhero movies that seem to now be the norm). And perhaps most importantly, I absolutely detest the era of superhero comics from which this movie takes its inspiration, being the ultra-dark 1990s, an overblown, Image over substance, hyper-kinetic, trench-coated period that actually made me stop buying comics. Oh, also, not really a fan of Ryan Reynolds. 

However. 

So many of of my friends had asked me if I was going to see this, and for a hot second, I actually considered hitting the multiplex for D&W (despite only having seen the previous two DEADPOOL films on the tee-vee, and the fact that I’ve only seen one new movie in the theater in the past three years, being THE BATMAN, which, meh), but quickly decided I couldn’t deal with being stuck in a chair with this film for over two hours. Still, I was curious enough that when I saw it dropped on PLEX (the Napster of movies) this past week, I dove in. 

And I pretty much hated it. D&W fails for me on every level, comedically, as a superhero movie, and emotionally. 

Comedically: I actually had a notebook next to me so I could keep track of my actual laughs during the movie, and the final tally was Two: One came 33 minutes in, when we get to see Wolverine at his actual comic book height (he’s very short). The other hit a half hour later, when Dogpool won’t stop licking Deadpool’s face. That’s it. Two laughs. Maybe a few smirks throughout the rest of the film, but the relentless spray of snark and meta jokes and fourth wall breaks and, mostly, about a hundred dick, balls, and ass jokes (seriously, this movie is so obsessed with goodies, bits, and butts that it makes Joel Schumacher’s Batman movies look like conversion therapy videos) just felt like I was being pelted with urine-soaked spitballs for 128 minutes. 

Dramatically: I mean, “dramatically” in superhero context. So, after Disney+’s LOKI series spent two seasons working to fix the MCU’s multiverse timelines, bringing its lead character from villain to sacrificial hero, with a dramatic, emotional climax, this movie… is about fixing the MCU’s multiverse timelines, right down to the bit about the heroes wanting to save their loved ones in their own branched realities (where was the meta joke about this plot basically being the same as that show’s?). I’m not sure what’s more aggravating, the ongoing convolution of the Marvel Universe, or the attempts to fix it (didn’t Kevin Feige ever hear of CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS? Google it, non-nerds). And, as much as I disliked LOGAN (and I did!), I have to agree with that film’s director and writer that DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE pretty much renders any emotional impact of that movie’s climax moot. And speaking of death meaning nothing in the MCU, what’s the point of endless (ENDLESS!!) CGI fights to the death with characters who can’t die? 

I didn’t even get any nostalgic jollies out of this film because (as I so subtly alluded to up there), I have almost zero affinity for (and, in some cases, knowledge of) most of these characters. I liked the X-Men in the ‘80s as much as anyone, but Wolverine was never really my jam. And he’s probably my favorite character in the film! I never read a Deadpool comic, never read a single thing with Gambit in it (what a stupid character), don’t really care about Blade, Elektra was a great part of Frank Miller’s DAREDEVIL run, but she shoulda’ stayed dead, and most of the other cameos just didn’t land with me. As always, your mileage may vary. 

Emotionally: I was actually stunned at how much syrup was poured on the climax of the film. I kept thinking that all the gushing buddy film love slung between the titular heroes was going to revert to the antagonistic back and forth that defined the first two acts of the movie, but no! These dudes now love each other, and pretty much tell say so for the last twenty minutes of the film! The movie even ends with a nostalgic, credit-roll montage of the actors’ histories making Marvel movies for 20th Century Fox, set to—I shit you not— Green Day’s never-not-grating, and utterly played out “Good Riddance [Time of Your Life]”…. UNIRONICALLY!!! 

Phew. Anyway. So, yeah, the movie’s not for me. But even putting aside my subjective dislike of the source material and this particular kind of superhero movie, I don’t think DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE is a good movie. It’s a LOT of movie, however, and, like the overdrawn, needlessly-detailed, hyper-violent comic books of the 1990s that dazzled young fans with style over substance, I guess that’s enough for a lot of people.

Pops Watched TV and Saw a Movie: DAHMER and BLONDE

 I couldn’t binge DAHMER: MONSTER: THE JEFFREY DAHMER STORY (or whatever) because it was just too much to stomach (no pun intended) more than an hour at a time, so it took me over a week to finish. I wasn’t even going to say anything about it until I watched BLONDE last night and decided to contrast these very different dramatizations of real life tragic figures. 

DAHMER is undeniably a riveting watch, but the many protestations over its humanization of the serial killer are not without merit. Evan Peters is way too likeable an actor to not make you feel some sort of empathy for Dahmer as her struggles with his compulsions. As with every “Based on a True Story” film or TV show, I spend a lot of time wondering what’s real and what’s not. I don’t demand 100% adherence to the facts, I understand the demands of creating dramatic fiction, and these days, all it takes is some quick Googling to separate the apocryphal from the factual. DAHMER mostly sticks to the facts, the biggest creative license being merging a number of the killer’s neighbors into one person, and moving her into the apartment next door. But what fascinates me most about this series isn’t the show itself but our collective fascination with true crime. What is it that draws us into being willing to watch ten hours dedicated to the most horrific, gruesome human behavior we can imagine? Why do we love this shit? I’d watch a ten-part series parsing that sociological phenomenon. 

Meanwhile, on the same platform, BLONDE is being marketed as a simple biopic of Marilyn Monroe, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Instead based on Joyce Carol Oates’ 2000 novel, it’s a fictionalized, highly impressionistic overview of the icon’s mental instability and lifetime of various forms of abuse, presented with far more style than substance. The movie jumps from point to point, leaving exposition as to how Norma Jeane / Marilyn came to be involved with the various men in her life mostly cursory. The movie seems to be far more concerned with recreating iconic images of Monroe than fleshing out a tragic life beyond “unhappy childhood - bad relationships - extreme insecurity - oh, and pills and booze.” But unlike DAHMER, BLONDE feels zero compunction about creating some stories out of whole cloth (which will no doubt lead to even more public confusion among those who treat films like this as gospel). The one saving grace of the movie is Ana de Armas’ magnetic performance (although the decision to have her employ “Marilyn’s” breathy girly voice even in her private life is an odd one). Ironically, the timing of this film kind of works against it, as de Armas is currently Hollywood’s “It Girl,” making it hard to forget that it’s her under the wig and veneers. Ultimately, though, 2011’s MY WEEK WITH MARILYN (starring Michelle Williams) is a far more insightful and personal examination of the actual human being.

Originally posted on social media, Oct. 3, 2022.

Pops Saw a Movie: APARTMENT 7A

 Seemingly coming out of nowhere (I hadn’t even heard of it until the day before it dropped on Paramount+), APARTMENT 7A is a prequel to ROSEMARY’S BABY, focusing on the story of the doomed girl Rosemary Woodhouse met in the laundry room in Roman Polanski’s 1968 classic. If you don’t know that film, then (in this context) good for you, because (a) you will enjoy the prequel a lot more than I did, and (b) you get to then watch ROSEMARY’S BABY for the first time! 

It’s not that APARTMENT 7A is BAD; It’s not. It’s well-made, well-cast, with some stunning visuals, a great soundtrack, and a compelling story. I enjoyed it while I was watching it. It’s just that by the end of the film, it offered nothing new. For anyone who knows the original movie, the fate of Terry Gionoffrio is a fait accompli. We know how this movie ends. But the film (co-written by director Natalie Erika James) unfathomably decides to basically retell ROSEMARY’S BABY with a different lead character, leaving us nothing new to chew on and making it impossible to not compare the two films. 

There was an opportunity here to tell a different story; They could’ve focused more on (SPOILER ALERT) Terry’s manipulating benefactors, Minnie and Roman Castevet and the satanic coven they lead in their fancy uptown apartment building (played by NYC’s iconic Dakota), maybe giving us a little more insight into their history and their motivations. They could’ve maybe fleshed out some other members of the coven. Or maybe they could’ve made Terry something other than an aspiring dancer (a little too close to Guy being a struggling actor in the original), or given her a more conflicted personality to ramp up the tension (she feels an awful lot like a single Rosemary in the film). 

But APARTMENT 7A has that unfortunate and cynical tang of a movie made for a young audience that the filmmakers hope / presume are completely unfamiliar with the source material, making it acceptable to so closely echo the original. I don’t think those of us who already love ROSEMARY’S BABY are the target audience. 

The acting (at least by the leads) is great. The always-terrific Julia Garner plays Terry with a compelling mixture of naïveté and strength (I think she’s one of the best actors working today). But I’m sure casting the charming and generous, but also overbearing and, you know, evil Castevets (or, the re-Castevets, heh) was the hardest part of making this movie, as both performances in the original are indelible. As Roman, Kevin McNally channels Sidney Blackmer nicely. But Dianne Wiest as Minnie had the tougher gig; Ruth Gordon’s performance in ROSEMARY’S BABY is iconic: Broad and over-the-top (with Gordon’s exaggerated vocalizations) while still being believable. Wiest HAS to do at least somewhat of an impression, or the audience (at least the audience that saw the original) wouldn’t buy that this is Minnie, but she makes the part just enough her own that it doesn’t feel like she’s doing shtick. 

So, I don’t know if this is a recommendation or not. Again, if you DON’T know ROSEMARY’S BABY, first of all, what the hell’s wrong with you, but you’ll probably be more frightened and surprised than my girlfriend and I were. However, it’ll take a lot of the fun out of watching the 1968 film for the first time. And if you DO love Roman Polanski’s (yeah, yeah) film, your enjoyment will largely depend on how much you don’t mind NOT being surprised.